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Sorry not sorry

The lessons never seem to stop.  Granted they have gotten less painful but they are still just as valuable.  Right now I feel as though I am finishing up one that I have been wanting to fight.

The saying by Anais Nin “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” applies to people too.  I think far too many times in my life I have given other people the benefit of the doubt or second chances when they were not deserved.

These past few days I have been given multiple opportunities to apply this lesson.  It’s not easy for me because I like to see the good in people, the potential.  I make excuses for them because of circumstances or whatever.  I know I wasn’t always such a great person myself but I changed and I guess I kind of feel like maybe some people just need a chance, but not everyone is ready to change.  Not everyone sees their own flaws or faults.

I think what pushed me to change for the better was a good hard look at myself but I forget that most people are too busy looking outward to see what’s inside.

Self examination has shown me that I am a very “all or nothing” type of person.  I have trouble with the “in-between,” it is something I know I need to work on.

So when I try my best to be compassionate towards others sometimes I go too far and end up making excuses for them, I see them do things that are against my best interest but I let it slide.  I take their bullshit for whatever reason.  I try not to be mean back because like I said I’m very all or nothing so I am afraid that if I do let that side of me out things might get out of hand.  I know too much to ignore that you get what you give.  Me purposely causing harm to others does no good to me and I’m not petty enough to feel good about making someone else feel bad.  Maybe at one point I was, but not anymore.  Now I much rather prefer cutting them out of my life completely.

So today when I was making juice I noticed the foam at the top resembled a yin yang.  The yin yang is a symbol of balance.  There is some light in the dark, this I can see easily, however there is also some dark in the light, this is what I have been struggling to accepted but now I am seeing it as a necessity.

You can’t be nice to everyone all the time.  Some don’t deserve it and others just end up being harmful to you even if that is not their intention, that is just what they bring about because that is where they are in life.  Another saying that I’ve seen floating around is “Do no harm but take no shit.”  Sometimes the shit people throw your way is unintentional, sometimes it is made to seem unintentional other times it is flat out intentional, the intent however is irrelevant because the end result is still you covered in shit, shit that they are not going to help you clean up.

So I think what I have to learn to accept is that people bring shit on themselves and if your temporary discomfort is going to avoid a mess on my end I am okay with that.

It seems so counter-intuitive to my previous beliefs but I’ve had to do this a few times recently and I must admit that saying what I have to say and doing what I have to do to get people like this out of my life (no matter how uncomfortable it was for me at the moment) has left me with a feeling of relief.

This feeling of relief in contrast to the feeling of anxiety that these people brought about is all I need to know that I made the right decisions.

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