Every once in a while, I like to stir things up.  I will disrupt my normal routine or way of living just because.  I like to do this because it keeps me from getting stuck in anything.  The things I love and that work for me I always return to but it allows me to shed the things that don’t work and are not really needed.

In this way I can see what I can live without and what I can’t.  What is needed and what is tolerated.  I, try as I might, can never settle into the same ol’ routine every single day of my life.  I am not static.  It’s not the way I work.  I am air.  I can blow full speed in one direction but am quick to change my course.  If I am still I am dead.  I do things just to know that I can and then move on.  I used to search for a formula that would work, one that I could commit to and then not have to think about anymore but what I’ve realized is that isn’t me.  That is not for me.  I like to think, I like to wonder, I like to imagine and if I already have everything figured out then I get bored.  I live more like the moon, in phases.  If you just check up on me every once in while the changes look random and unrelated but if you watch long enough you see that there is a larger pattern, a cycle and I always come back around.  I am starting to accept that last part.  I am who I am and this is how I am.  I cycle.  I’ve been trying to be like the sun my whole life, steady, consistent, easily predictable but I am a child of the moon, not the sun.

I like to figure things out, I like to have answers and the greatest puzzle I have, and one that I may never figure out, is myself.  I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past decade, prior to this I was just always victim to the ups and downs, feeling and experiencing emotions but never really questioning what brought them about.  Then I started to pay attention.  To learn what set me off and why.  In this way I learned to help curb the extremes.  I found some things that help and some that don’t.  The most important thing that I have acquired however is self-love and that only came after self-acceptance.  I had to accept that I was damaged to a certain extent but that the damage could be repaired or at the very least contained.  Now, I view my episodes of madness as an opportunity to gain insight.  To see what triggers me and why.  I believe that we are all programmed by life events and situations, these programs dictate thoughts, these thoughts birth emotion and emotion drives action.

I go through phases where I use things to stabilize my emotions but then I go through times where I stop stabilizing and these moments allow the faults to surface and give me a chance to look at them and work to figure out what thought patterns cause them, once I know that, I can seek out the program and see if it still holds true to its purpose in my life.  The programs are put in place to protect you, courtesy of the ego I suppose, but as you get older life changes, circumstances change and the programs become outdated and sometimes self-destructive.  My greatest desire is to free myself of the programs that no longer serve me.  I want to get rid of these and release any emotional debris that I am carrying around.  The body stores emotions and there are ways to let them go.  This is what drives my heart.  The desire to be free.  But however rewarding this work is, it is still work and I can only handle so much of it at a time, hence my need to stabilize.

This is why some days it looks like I am this and other days I am that, but I am always just me but in different phases.





In honor of my 32nd birthday I thought I’d list 32 things I have learned along the way.

  1. Things are always as they should be
  2. But the definition of how they should be is not up to me
  3. There are things I cannot change and should not try to
  4. Optimism can kill you just as fast as pessimism
  5. Not all people are who they portray themselves to be
  6. Don’t take #5 personally
  7. Don’t judge someone by the opinion of another
  8. Life’s good moments are fleeting so appreciate and enjoy them while you can
  9. Life’s heartaches are temporary and each scar is a lesson
  10. Far too many women are insecure, but they are all beautiful by design
  11. Doing small things on a consistent basis add up to big changes
  12. Sometimes it is better to not say what you’re thinking or feeling, but it’s worse to choke on things left unsaid
  13. The ocean cleanses the muck off of the soul
  14. What you eat has great impact
  15. What you think even more so
  16. Sometimes it’s best to not have all the answers
  17. I’ll always be a little bit sad
  18. I’ll always be a little bit anxious
  19. It’s worse when I fight this
  20. It’s best to accept and let it pass
  21. Self love is the most important love
  22. Holding on can hurt more than letting go
  23. Knowing when to let go still eludes me
  24. People will judge
  25. People will lie
  26. Sometimes you can find more comfort in a stranger than a friend
  27. Those strangers are worth keeping
  28. Life passes quickly
  29. People do too so cherish the ones you love while you still can
  30. Having something that nourishes the soul is crucial
  31. A sense of humor is golden
  32. At some point you have to stop trying to improve and just appreciate what is (still working on putting this one into play)
  33. Bonus lesson:
  • More than anything I have learned that I am not alone, not physically and especially not spiritually.  Spirit, the Divine, whatever you call it is everywhere.  It listens and responds.  It sends you messages and signs when you need them the most and after today I don’t think I’ll ever be able to doubt that again.

Religion and Politics

This post might piss off a lot of people.  That is not my intention but I am only responsible for what I say not what you take from it.  Religion and politics, the two topics that you should not bring up if you want to keep a conversation friendly.  Well I’m going to touch on both.

There is a very large percentage of our population that identify themselves as religious, the vast majority of religions are monotheistic, meaning they have one god.  This god tends to be described as almighty, righteous and just.  I’m okay with that.  What I’m not okay with is how people hide behind god.  A lot of religious people thank god for the good and write off the bad saying well “if god wanted me to have this than I would” my issue with this is the lack of self-responsibility that comes with this form of thinking.

Religion conditions you into thinking that someone will come and save you from your problems.  Your excuse for everything is god.  Religion teaches good versus evil, this conditions you into thinking the world is black and white (duality).  You are either this or that and if you are this then you can’t be that.  Religion breeds people who tend to behave hypocritically, scriptures say you should be forgiving and not judge others but when someone who is not of the same belief as you comes along you see them as sinners who should be condemned or worse as enemies.  If you are so sure of your choice in religion should it really bother you so much to hear different points of views?  Perhaps it is because some cognitive dissonance comes into play.

My favorite color is blue, I have nothing against the other colors, I like them all but I prefer blue.  If someone starts talking to me about red and how great it is and how they feel it is superior to blue I don’t freak out, I don’t get mad, I don’t care.  I like blue because I like it regardless of outside opinion.  At the same time I don’t hate on the person trying to promote purple, I just kindly move along, I don’t try to convert them into loving blue as much as I do.  But the problem with religion is that people act like other religions or schools of thoughts somehow threaten theirs.  Something that in theory is supposed to breed love and acceptance of all turns into hate and disdain.

They say hate stems from fear so knowing this it isn’t all that surprising, however pretty telling, because most monotheistic religions operate by instilling fear.  Do what you are told or you will burn in hell.  God loves you and will protect you unless you disobey, in which case you will be severely punished.  How can an all loving anything be tyrannical as well?  Fear is not love.

In general, this manner of thinking paints one’s worldview with a very narrow paintbrush.

I do believe in a divine force but to me it is not in any one figure or “god”.  It is a life force that permeates all that exists.  It is everywhere.  It cannot be contained or defined, only experienced.

Religion likes to have a representative to lead the masses.  They decipher the scripture and tell you what is meant by it.  For the longest time Bibles were only printed in Latin because the vast majority of the congregation did not know the language they had to rely on the priest to tell them what the scriptures said and what was meant by them.  They choose which passages to promote and which to ignore.  The Bible has also been altered.  If it is the word of god why would they change it?  Why were the original passages regarding reincarnation taken out?  If you reincarnate then you can’t burn in hell forever because you eventually come back.  If you eventually come back then why not risk living life according to your own rules and values?  If you are wrong you will eventually be granted more chances to get it right.  What’s wrong with knowing that?  Nothing, unless you are trying to control the masses.

Come to church, pray, give of your time, your money, we will handle the rest for you.  We will tell you how to live righteously just follow these rules and don’t question us because we speak for god.

So what’s the harm?  So what if someone wants to believe what they want and follow what they are told without question?

Like I said earlier, this mode of thinking paints your worldview so when it comes to politics you expect a savior there as well.  You expect to have someone who is holier than thou, who is flawless and looking out for your best interest.  You don’t question you just follow because you believe that this person is going to keep you safe.  You put the responsibility on them, instead of yourself.

You are perfectly content just being told what to do because you feel that the person telling you bears your best interest in mind and is somehow omnipotent and can keep all of the outrageous promises they make.  I’m sorry to break it to you but you are wrong.

The President and our government are not going to save you.  You have to save you.  You and only you are responsible for your life.  Consider something as basic as water.  Clean drinking water is something that should be available to every citizen.  We have necessary resources and technology available so that every person can be provided with access to clean water but look at Flint, Michigan.  This is a city in America, not a third world country.  Did the President go and save them?  No.  It took two long years to resolve the issue that was caused by their local government.

What do you think would happen if your city had a water shortage or contaminated drinking water?  Is the President going to come to your house to make sure you and your family are okay?  You are on your own.  If war breaks out on American soil and if life as we know it ends who is to say that food won’t be rationed?  They did it before why wouldn’t they do it now?  Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue?  How certain are you that god will provide you and put food on your table?

There is a certain level of basic responsibility that we have lost somewhere along the way.  The Native Americans and most other indigenous cultures were self-sustaining, they worked in harmony with the land.  They respected it and honored it.

But I digress.  My point is this.  You must do more than just put your faith in god or another human being.  You must educate yourself, this lovely thing called the internet has a wealth of information, granted you have to sort through it but there is not much you cannot learn.  Look up the number of wars that have been justified by an all loving god.  Look up the Sale of Indulgences and tell me that the church isn’t a business.

As for those who say they have seen miracles happen through prayer I say that I am sure you have but not for the reasons you assume.  If the Law of Attraction seems too farfetched for you consider sympathetic resonance.  It is made possible by vibration.  Consider physics, consider that atoms are constantly vibrating and you are not as solid as you appear.  If you send out a signal (through prayer aka your thoughts) long enough you will draw back something similar.  It is not a third party granting your wishes, it is the laws of the universe.  In the words of Jesse “Science Bitch!”.

You make things happen.  Your faith and the level of it makes things happen.  If you want to refrain from taking the credit and self-responsibility that comes with it and continue to be of the thought that life happens to you based on your obedience to a loving but punitive figure no one can stop you but I strongly urge you to at a very minimum do some research that contradicts your religion or choice of political candidate for that matter.  If it is what you truly believe it is, then any new information will if nothing else further validate what you believe.  Just make sure to do unbiased research.  Looking at only religious websites for contradictory information is invalid.  Look up all the information on your choice of presidential candidate not just the stuff that is going to validate what you already believe.  Ignorance in this day and age is a choice.

Whether it is going to affect the next four years or the rest of eternity doesn’t it warrant at least a day or two of research and learning?  Look at the history, not just what you are being told now.

Like I said in the beginning, my intent is not to offend anyone, although it might be inevitable with these two topics.  I’m just hoping that before you become so dogmatic in your beliefs that you first perform some due diligence.  Don’t be afraid to step out of your own box of thinking.

Walk with those seeking truth.  Run from those who think they’ve found it.