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On Vibes

I’ve been slowly but surely making a change from casual indifference to conscious notability when it comes to the people I surround myself with.  I take note of how I feel when I am around certain people, the vibes they emit, the way I react and vice versa.  I’m starting to notice more and more how intentions are not always so obvious but action is very telling.  When you make decisions based on people’s actions versus their words life gets a little easier.  And it’s not the things that I see when they know I am watching but the things that they do when I am not around, the choice of words used with intent to manipulate, the silence when certain topics come up…these are the things that I am noticing.

I can try and understand the motives behind but in all honestly it is a waste of time.  I have nothing to gain from validating or justifying someone else’s actions.  I’m not even making judgments anymore because I get it, I’ve been there.  I understand but just because I understand does not mean that I have to accept.  So what am I saying?

People think that high vibes is all rainbows and glitter and maybe it is but in order to get there or to get higher you have to let go of what weighs you down.  The things, the people, the people…  in the past I had a problem with that because I like to see the good in people, the potential, the promise but unless that effort comes from within it is useless.  It is draining to try and draw someone’s potential out.  Draining, time consuming and possibly counterproductive.  People change when they are ready and they won’t be ready until they have learned the lessons that they need to learn so that they can move on.  Hand holding only stalls the progress.  Let them fail, let them fall, let them lose and learn because for some this is the only way they will learn or understand.

When you are learning lessons, things hardly make sense, everything seems like a punishment but when you start to look for the lessons you see that they are blessings, they are opportunities for growth and change.  Don’t feel bad about having to walk away from certain people, you may be doing them more good than you realize.

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Good Grief

Elisabeth Kubler is credited with the concept that grief is processed through 5 stages. 

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining 
  • Depression 
  • Acceptance 

Not everyone goes through them in order and not everyone experiences each one.   Some people bounce back and forth between them.  Each one is different but each one leads to the same place – acceptance.

Grief is a natural reaction to losing something or someone we love.   We don’t want to believe it’s real,  we deny it and when reality starts to hit and we can’t deny it anymore we get angry, sooner or later you realize that anger gets you no where you want to be so you start bargaining.  “Maybe if I change or do this different I’ll be able to get back what I lost” but you realize you can’t.   Nothing you do will change what already happened, so you get depressed.  And you can stay there for as long as you like but the problem with that is that it kills you slowly.  Robbing you of the space you need to experience anything else, anything good. 

As humans we can all experience a wide range of emotions but how we deal with those emotions vary from person to person.  Some of us suppress certain emotions while openly expressing others.   Our conditioning has told us that certain emotions are good while others are undesirable or shameful.  So when we deal with other people in a highly emotional situation it can be hard to see things from anyone else’s point of view.   But regardless of what is going on and with who we should be mindful that people handle things differently and we don’t have to handle them the same way.  This is where a little compassion goes a long way.   Not for their sake but for ours.   Our energy,  our vibration,  our happiness is our own responsibility and it should be of the highest priority.

Let people get mad,  let them be sad,  let them do what they have to do to reach acceptance.  Just because someone is offering you their vibration doesn’t mean you have to take it.   Find your peace and set up what values help preserve that peace.   Once you set your boundaries, knowing what falls in or out of them is easy.  Have compassion for people who are struggling but don’t take on their burden.   Oftentimes our greatest pleasures come from our greatest pain.  Pain is something we need to embrace,  it shows us where we are hurt and once we know we can begin to heal and move forward.


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Labels

I’m finding myself getting more and more turned off by labels.   “Vegan”, “Black”, “Yogi”, “Introvert”, “Awake”, “Muslim”, “American”, “Republican”, …I could go on but you get the point.

Sometimes,  no, most of the time, I want to just say:  Shut the fuck up!!!  You are not definable by any one word.   Not saying you shouldn’t be proud of the things you can relate to but those things are so shallow compared to the gorgeous everything that you are.  

Labels but up boundaries,  they are inherently limiting.  Also,  in my opinion, they hinder growth.  Society is so judgmental that if you are “X” but are curious about “Y” then the mere fact that you identify with “X” can keep you from exploring “Y” because labels set expectations.   “If you are this religion don’t come around here because you are not like us”.  How fucking stupid and short-sighted  is that?  Everyone knows something you don’t,  anyone can teach you something.  Stop limiting your education and your potential.  Learn from all that you can and decide for yourself what resonates and what doesn’t because I can promise you no one label has all the answers. 

I know labels are useful in that they help you find people you can vibe with but don’t stay stuck in any one frequency, change that shit up from time to time.  

We are conscious if nothing else and that consciousness cannot be contained or restricted to a physical body let alone a label.  What do those things tell us about you anyway?   Not much.   Why must we claim anything at all?  
Find your own wavelength and just ride it out.  Be you, unrestricted and unapologetic.  If you want to dress like a hippie one day and a goth the next fucking go for it (cheesy analogy I know but it’s late and that’s all the effort I’m putting forth on that one).  Labels imply finished products and you are not a finished product!!  You are evolving and growing and changing.  Embrace that shit.

Disclaimer:  this is a rant and is not intended to insult or call anyone out.  If you are happy labeling yourself then rock on.  You don’t need my permission.  I just find labeling more isolating than connecting when it comes to the bigger picture. 

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Kids and Expectations

Today I had a conversation with someone who expressed their disapproval of a young girl behaving too much like a boy.  It was a relative of the girl and I’m sure the intent wasn’t malicious but it made me angry.  Who the fuck are we to say what boys and girls should like or do, why is it frowned upon when a girl prefers sports to playing with Barbie dolls?  I guess more than anything what bothers me is how we as humans have the bad habit of imposing our belief system onto others.  We expect the rest of the world to view the world from our perspective.  It’s never going to fucking happen!!!!  We were each born and raised in different circumstances, not just the obvious things like race, religion, culture, language but also more subtle things like our expectations of gender roles, time giving, social involvement, body image etc.

Is a prepubescent girl really causing any harm by playing “boy” sports?  Why the fuck do we want her to play with Barbie dolls?  Does she really have to like pink?  It just angers me because here we are growing up and trying to discover who we are, what we love, what our passions are and then those closest to us tell us we are wrong.

And the kicker is that the only reason that adult is trying to redirect the child is that they are afraid of being shamed or criticized because by other people in their life telling them that it’s wrong.  I’m sorry but who the fuck are you??  Worry about your own shit before you go out and try to police the rest of the world.

Kids need encouragement, they need acceptance.  They need to know that no matter what they do, what they like or who they choose to be that they will be loved.  A kid at that age has a lot of learning and growing to do, who’s to say that in 2 years they won’t be all glitter and dresses.  You don’t fucking know.  Let the kids be happy.  Let them figure that shit out on their own, as long as it’s not causing them physical harm let them be.

It just really irks me how fucking shallow we can be.  And although it sounds like a judgment, I’m not judging the adult because they grew up into the same way of thinking.  We are conditioned as children, by our parents, society, the media, but it’s our responsibility as humans to go out and seek our own truths.  Don’t believe and accept something just because some “authority” figure on TV says it’s true.  Think for yourself and question what it is that you are thinking.

Nurture your children, give them space to evolve.  Guide them gently into the realm of compassion and respect for others, especially themselves.  Let them learn who they think they are, who they want to be.  And most importantly, teach them to love themselves, to accept themselves, to know themselves, because if you know who you are it doesn’t matter what others think or say about you or what expectations they try to push onto to you, you will stay you and being you freely is one of the many but often lost keys to happiness.

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